she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
