weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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