i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
