How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
