dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
