I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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