All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
