Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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