Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
they need to just BURY HIM!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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