how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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