can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
