im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
