is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
