i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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