I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I skipped work to stalk him.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
