I wish I could teleport
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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