so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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