I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
