It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
