I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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