also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drake has all the answers
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
