with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
