i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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