oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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