We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
