omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize