you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
So. Much. Porn.
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