Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
