I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
