brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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