I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
