your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
