would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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