Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
