We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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