I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
