it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
