My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
