i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
