HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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