Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
