The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
