dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I forget how to act sober
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
