I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
