Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
