so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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