Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
