I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
