he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
