Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
