even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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