OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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