she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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