Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
