Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
