do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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