Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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