girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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