I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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