i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
