I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
