when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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