do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
