Whod you bang
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
