But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
