I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
