so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
