Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think I just sharted jello shots
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
