ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
