don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
