just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
