I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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