3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
