Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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