So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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