Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
