I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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