6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
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If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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